[The Admiral]
The rupee is falling. Like a drunk man falling down stairs. Tumbling. Rolling. Breaking things on the way down. And nobody knows where the bottom is. Or if there even is a bottom.
The Central Bank Governor appears from nowhere. Like a magician. But instead of pulling rabbits from hats, he pulls excuses from thin air. He has done a good job, he declares. Excellent job. Brilliant job.
The rupee is falling but that is not his fault. That is someone else’s fault. Someone mysterious. Someone unnamed. Someone who is definitely not him.
He cannot take responsibility for others, he explains. Very reasonable. Very logical. He only controls the Central Bank. The currency. The money supply. The exchange rate. The monetary policy. Everything except the actual value of the rupee. That is someone else’s department.
Someone who clearly does not exist but definitely is not him.
The other is the President. The man with numbers. Or without numbers. Depending on which day you ask him. When he was opposition, he was mathematics professor. Numbers dancing at his fingertips. Calculations flowing like poetry. Economics explained like bedtime stories. Everyone understood. Everyone believed. Everyone thought finally someone who knows math.
Now he is President. Suddenly mathematics became foreign language. Numbers became enemies. Calculations became mysteries. He is like ordinary level student who failed math, copied from wrong person, and somehow still got to final exam.
He says fuel price should be 720 rupees. Government absorbing the loss. Very generous. Very sacrificial. Very mathematical. Except Ceylon Petroleum Corporation selling price is different. Few hundred rupees different. Small matter. Just numbers. Just hundreds. What is few hundred rupees between friends. Math is flexible when you are President.
The rupee keeps falling. Like tears. Like hope. Like everything in this country. And government has no plan to stop it. No strategy to catch it. No idea how to save it. Their plan is watching it fall and calling it flying.
Inward dollar remittances. The money coming from abroad. From Sri Lankans working overseas. Sending money home. Keeping economy alive. Government has no plan to increase it. Why plan. Planning is hard. Watching rupee fall is easier. Blaming others is easiest.
The President is like the rupee. Depreciating daily. Losing value hourly. Becoming worthless by the minute. But claiming to be doing great job. Claiming to be strong. Claiming to be stable. While falling faster than trust in politicians.
The government is like the rupee. Started with promise. Started with hope. Started with value. Now becoming toilet paper. Useful only for wiping away the mess they created. And even for that, probably too rough and too small.
The Prime Minister is the two rupee note. Remember those. Beautiful colour. Nice design. Completely worthless. Stopped printing them because nobody wanted them. Now she is the human equivalent. Beautifully dressed. Nicely positioned. Completely useless. Nobody wants her opinions. Nobody values her contributions. She is decorative currency. Looks nice. Buys nothing.
The Central Bank Governor is the old hundred rupee note. The one before the new design. Technically still currency. Technically still legal. But try using it anywhere. Shopkeepers look at you funny. Nobody trusts it. Nobody wants it. Everyone prefers the new version. Or any other version. Or no version. Just not this one.
The Cabinet is the pile of torn rupees. Damaged. Unusable. Should be sent to Central Bank for destruction. But somehow still circulating. Still pretending to have value. Still being passed around. Everyone who touches them feels dirty. Everyone who receives them feels cheated. Everyone wants to get rid of them as fast as possible.
The opposition is the old two rupee coin. Remember those tiny things. Useless. Worthless. Could not buy anything. Not even back when they were new. Now completely forgotten. Occasionally found in old drawers. Looked at with confusion. Then thrown away. That is the opposition. Found occasionally. Confusing everyone. Immediately discarded.
The country itself is the ultimate rupee. Started 1948 worth something. Independence. Hope. Promise. Future. Now 2026. Worth nothing. Value destroyed. Potential wasted. Future mortgaged. Every year depreciating. Every decade falling. Every generation inheriting less value than previous.
But everyone in government claiming they doing great job. Like rupee claiming it is strong while losing value. Like currency claiming it is stable while collapsing. Like money claiming it is valuable while becoming worthless.
This is complete failure. Total disaster. Absolute collapse. The only reason government still in power is because opposition is more worthless than government. Opposition is the currency nobody even bothers to counterfeit. Why fake something worthless. Why copy something nobody wants. Why forge something that has less value than the paper it is printed on.
Wake up. Your government is depreciating rupee pretending to be appreciating dollar. Your leaders are worthless currency claiming to be valuable assets. Your country is becoming banana republic but without the bananas because those are too expensive now.
The rupee falls. The government falls. The country falls. And everyone pretends they flying. Everyone claims they rising. Everyone insists they succeeding. While crashing into ground so hard it creates crater visible from space.
The Central Bank Governor cannot take responsibility. The President cannot do mathematics. The Prime Minister cannot do anything. The Cabinet cannot govern. The opposition cannot oppose. And the rupee cannot hold value.
This is Sri Lanka. Where currency is worthless. Government is worthless. Opposition is worthless. And hope is the most expensive thing nobody can afford anymore.
Wake up. Your rupee is falling. Your leaders are falling. Your country is falling. And calling it flying does not make it true.
The only thing rising is the cost of everything. The only thing growing is the suffering. The only thing increasing is the despair.
Welcome to the worthless rupee economy. Where everything costs more. Everything values less. And everyone is broke except the people breaking everyone else.